We're having a BOY! Our rainbow, Archer Thomas, will arrive sometime after June 13th.
We had an ultrasound at the end of January that confirmed he is ALL BOY. Everything else is going swimmingly. I've had minimal symptoms and all my levels (proteins, glucose, iron, etc) are within normal range. I start going to the high-risk specialist in 2 weeks, just to make sure everything continues going perfectly.
We're also in the process of trying to purchase our first home. I found one I am absolutely in love with, and we're trying to finalize within the next 2 months so we are all moved in well before our arrival is here. :)
I've been doing much better at focusing on the positive things and pushing forward. I don't get nearly as bogged down in my depression as I used to. I still have a few moments of stressed-out crying, but hell, I'm pregnant and I'm allowed to, right? Can't control all of the hormones all of the time. Learning to cut myself a break is a constant struggle.
I did have a strange pang of guilt today - I heard a song (I Will Follow You Into The Dark) that made me feel... guilty for not following Coraline. I'm her mother, I should protect her and walk beside her and yes, that means into the beyond, if for nothing other than to hold her hand and make sure she is unafraid. But then I remembered the life I'm growing now, and Coraline's older brother who just had a birthday, and try to focus on them. I hope she knows I'm still here for her, and I would have followed her into the dark and beyond I could have saved her. All I can do now is keep her memory alive, and focus on her daddy and brothers and give them the best life possible.
Your comment about following your daughter to the darkness and beyond is so sweet and heartbreaking. Though I was not nearly as far along as you were, I had those same thoughts. That I wish I could go with her and hold her hand and be with her. I am so so sorry for your loss, and I pray for a happy and healthy rainbow baby in July for you.
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