Grief

I haven’t hit anger yet.  I don’t know if I will – soon, in the future, or ever.  Frustration, yes, when I can’t do everything I want/need to as quickly as possible.  When my milk leaks and I watch it go to waste in a bra pad.  But actual anger…   I was such an angry person before our daughter was born sleeping.  Friends used to comment on my quips about people I encountered, how I would cut someone down with words.  Since Coraline, the wind has been taken out of my sails, in more ways than one.  The anger is gone.  Instead of looking at someone and seeing their flaws or judging them based on a first impression, I find myself wondering what their story is.  I can’t hold on to the anger I used to have over petty stupid things.  The overwhelming devastation has probably just crowded out everything else.  I’ve had confusion, seemingly unbearable sadness, frustration, despair, heartbreak, crippling fear, and physical pain – but anger has been absent.